Stubborn tears, they never come —
There are nights
When they deny themselves;
Supposed to be stormy
The night falls dry
Not knowing that we have a desert
Not a “poem” again, I guess. Just a random, loneliness fueled thought I transformed into one. Translated from one my posts in Portuguese (2nd blog).
I thought I’d never remember
The shade of blue in her eyes,
But her face came to me smiling
In the memories I thought
I had left behind.
I won’t remember you anymore,
But the morning sky
Will leave me sad
And wondering what the hell
I have been missing
I’m always out of ideas for titles. I usually solve the problem by picking a line from the poem, but sometimes I’ll just read it again and think “okay, what will I think about myself/that time when I read this again next month/year? …Ah, I’ll probably think THIS. Okay, that’s a smart title. Or maybe not. Anyway…”
I may change it later. We will see. Off to bed now!
Two loud children throw rocks at the birds.
Cars come and go,
But I stay here looking at the world.
I hear laughter; I hear the sound
Of a tiny life falling from the sky to the ground
The innocent can be brutal sometimes
Frozen eyes can’t travel. I can’t destroy this distance,
But my heart dreams of you in a rainy country
Almost a year has passed.
Your smile was so beautiful I didn’t even care to look at
All the pretty girls in mini skirts
Too bad, we’ve grown
Apart. Too bad, but truth is that
I don’t miss you at all.
Still, your smile was so sincere
I wouldn’t mind seeing it tomorrow
Under the lights of a crowded party,
Where, full of anxiety,
I’d hold your hand and ask you
To immediately drive me back home
This is probably not a poem. Not sure what it is. Who cares?
Again, he’s threatened to kill me;
With his hands around my neck,
I disappear —
In a foreign land,
Inside the house, but lost
In a million of blurry thoughts
Where chance meets peace,
And fate meets his anger
If I still have time to choose
The way I’ll die
How many hours left
Do I have?
How many tears
Am I allowed to cry
During the last day?
I haven’t been able to think, write or do anything productive for a few days now. I can’t even read anymore. This can’t be the way I’m gonna “go”.
Yes, this is a random post about my feelings and why I can’t focus enough to write anything today that isn’t worth a slit of wrists.
So… A couple months ago I met a stray kitten. She was living on campus, surprisingly. She was the sweetest, oh my god… Always, always. Apparently, she was adopted after a kind soul offered herself to take her. But today I started to think about her and I CAN’T STOP CRYING. I’ve been crying for maybe more than 30 min. Just to make things worse, earlier this morning I briefly visited the orphanage where I met baby M a while ago. I remember posting about both.
This is definitely one of the most depressing days ever this year. I hope both are okay, happy, well fed and that both live amazing lives. But, dear god… I feel like I have failed both and that both should be with me. Maybe that’s not true, but it’s the strongest thing I feel right now.
I loved you, but hated your poetry.
Two years ago, I’d say “he’s so avant garde!
Let him speak from his heart,
You just can’t get it” — now I see
I never really liked it, but could never confess
Enough of writing about my own misery;
I need a new muse:
A Greek goddess or another blue eyed Brit,
My poetry wants someone to adore
Let’s see if I last two weeks
Without writing about empty bedrooms and
High on caffeine and nostalgia
I suppose you’re okay. That’s good.
So am I. Better than yesterday, that’s for sure.
I’m now a heavy tea drinker
Who avoids bookshops
Because I’m broke
(But that’s not news, right?).
People came over today, I chatted
And had fun
(But in the end,
Here I am,
Honestly, I’ve stopped caring
About your existence.
Is just another name now
(That brings bitterness and sadness
During long sleepless nights — and that’s all.
You don’t show up in my head
Every single day anymore)
I just found out
That you’re not dead.
I assume you’re good
And that’s nice