Just took a shower
And wrapped my hair in a towel.
Walking back to my bed,
Always to the bedroom on the left.
The lights are always off
And there’s no people home.
No plans for tomorrow
And no real moment to live tonight —
Just cinnamon tea
And the same songs, over and over;
A thousand times
Slow morning comes under a blanket of
Heavy rain clouds. Coffee
And soy milk on the table,
But no raindrops outside
Back to my room;
To dream pop
And Clonazepam sleepiness.
Children scream outside
Running and running
Without a worry in the world
Words swim through the distance between us.
Smiles go back and forth
Around our thoughts
And on our faces.
Shining bright, this deep universe
Stays unnamed between the two of us
PS. Just a quick update to say I’m alright. Uninspired to the bone, but okay.
Life is good for once & only God knows why, but I feel so random:
I’m getting healthier. The sky was blue this morning. I still feed stray cats. Victor says hi, he’s made me feel really happy lately. I play mindless videogames now. And I just graduated. Let me enjoy not doing anything for a while. I’m gonna buy some ice cream tomorrow. And your engagement ring. Love is everywhere. Yes, life’s good right now.
Hopefully it will just get better and better.
Stubborn tears, they never come —
There are nights
When they deny themselves;
Supposed to be stormy
The night falls dry
Not knowing that we have a desert
Not a “poem” again, I guess. Just a random, loneliness fueled thought I transformed into one. Translated from one my posts in Portuguese (2nd blog).
I thought I’d never remember
The shade of blue in her eyes,
But her face came to me smiling
In the memories I thought
I had left behind.
I won’t remember you anymore,
But the morning sky
Will leave me sad
And wondering what the hell
I have been missing
I’m always out of ideas for titles. I usually solve the problem by picking a line from the poem, but sometimes I’ll just read it again and think “okay, what will I think about myself/that time when I read this again next month/year? …Ah, I’ll probably think THIS. Okay, that’s a smart title. Or maybe not. Anyway…”
I may change it later. We will see. Off to bed now!
Two loud children throw rocks at the birds.
Cars come and go,
But I stay here looking at the world.
I hear laughter; I hear the sound
Of a tiny life falling from the sky to the ground
The innocent can be brutal sometimes
Frozen eyes can’t travel. I can’t destroy this distance,
But my heart dreams of you in a rainy country
Almost a year has passed.
Your smile was so beautiful I didn’t even care to look at
All the pretty girls in mini skirts
Too bad, we’ve grown
Apart. Too bad, but truth is that
I don’t miss you at all.
Still, your smile was so sincere
I wouldn’t mind seeing it tomorrow
Under the lights of a crowded party,
Where, full of anxiety,
I’d hold your hand and ask you
To immediately drive me back home
This is probably not a poem. Not sure what it is. Who cares?
Again, he’s threatened to kill me;
With his hands around my neck,
I disappear —
In a foreign land,
Inside the house, but lost
In a million of blurry thoughts
Where chance meets peace,
And fate meets his anger
If I still have time to choose
The way I’ll die
How many hours left
Do I have?
How many tears
Am I allowed to cry
During the last day?
I haven’t been able to think, write or do anything productive for a few days now. I can’t even read anymore. This can’t be the way I’m gonna “go”.
Yes, this is a random post about my feelings and why I can’t focus enough to write anything today that isn’t worth a slit of wrists.
So… A couple months ago I met a stray kitten. She was living on campus, surprisingly. She was the sweetest, oh my god… Always, always. Apparently, she was adopted after a kind soul offered herself to take her. But today I started to think about her and I CAN’T STOP CRYING. I’ve been crying for maybe more than 30 min. Just to make things worse, earlier this morning I briefly visited the orphanage where I met baby M a while ago. I remember posting about both.
This is definitely one of the most depressing days ever this year. I hope both are okay, happy, well fed and that both live amazing lives. But, dear god… I feel like I have failed both and that both should be with me. Maybe that’s not true, but it’s the strongest thing I feel right now.