Daily Banalities

Just took a shower

And wrapped my hair in a towel.

Walking back to my bed,

Always to the bedroom on the left.

The lights are always off

And there’s no people home.

No plans for tomorrow

And no real moment to live tonight —

Just cinnamon tea

And the same songs, over and over;

A thousand times

.

ML

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Finally

Words swim through the distance between us.

Smiles go back and forth

Around our thoughts

And on our faces.

Shining bright, this deep universe

Stays unnamed between the two of us

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ML

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PS. Just a quick update to say I’m alright. Uninspired to the bone, but okay.

Life is good for once & only God knows why, but I feel so random:

I’m getting healthier. The sky was blue this morning. I still feed stray cats. Victor says hi, he’s made me feel really happy lately. I play mindless videogames now. And I just graduated. Let me enjoy not doing anything for a while. I’m gonna buy some ice cream tomorrow. And your engagement ring. Love is everywhere. Yes, life’s good right now.

Hopefully it will just get better and better.

Thought

Stubborn tears, they never come —

There are nights

When they deny themselves;

Nights

Supposed to be stormy

.

And outside

The night falls dry

And warm,

Not knowing that we have a desert

Indoors

.

ML

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Not a “poem” again, I guess. Just a random, loneliness fueled thought I transformed into one. Translated from one my posts in Portuguese (2nd blog).

Sickly Romantic (But Only Before Bed)

I thought I’d never remember

The shade of blue in her eyes,

But her face came to me smiling

In the memories I thought

I had left behind.

Tomorrow morning

I won’t remember you anymore,

But the morning sky

Will leave me sad

And wondering what the hell

I have been missing

.

ML

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I’m always out of ideas for titles. I usually solve the problem by picking a line from the poem, but sometimes I’ll just read it again and think “okay, what will I think about myself/that time when I read this again next month/year? …Ah, I’ll probably think THIS. Okay, that’s a smart title. Or maybe not. Anyway…”

I may change it later. We will see. Off to bed now!

Far Away

Two loud children throw rocks at the birds.

Cars come and go,

But I stay here looking at the world.

I hear laughter; I hear the sound

Of a tiny life falling from the sky to the ground

.

The innocent can be brutal sometimes

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Frozen eyes can’t travel. I can’t destroy this distance,

But my heart dreams of you in a rainy country

.

ML

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Almost a year has passed.

Continue reading

Sincerity

Your smile was so beautiful I didn’t even care to look at

All the pretty girls in mini skirts

.

Too bad, we’ve grown

Apart. Too bad, but truth is that

I don’t miss you at all.

Still, your smile was so sincere

I wouldn’t mind seeing it tomorrow

Under the lights of a crowded party,

Where, full of anxiety,

I’d hold your hand and ask you

To immediately drive me back home

.

ML

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This is probably not a poem. Not sure what it is. Who cares?

 

 

How Many Hours Left

Again, he’s threatened to kill me;

With his hands around my neck,

I disappear —

Away

In a foreign land,

Safe

Inside the house, but lost

In a million of blurry thoughts

Where chance meets peace,

And fate meets his anger

.

I wonder

If I still have time to choose

The way I’ll die

.

How many hours left

Do I have? 

How many tears

Am I allowed to cry

During the last day?

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ML

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I haven’t been able to think, write or do anything productive for a few days now. I can’t even read anymore. This can’t be the way I’m gonna “go”.

(Un)important tears(?) — Babies and Kittens

Yes, this is a random post about my feelings and why I can’t focus enough to write anything today that isn’t worth a slit of wrists.

So… A couple months ago I met a stray kitten. She was living on campus, surprisingly. She was the sweetest, oh my god… Always, always. Apparently, she was adopted after a kind soul offered herself to take her. But today I started to think about her and I CAN’T STOP CRYING. I’ve been crying for maybe more than 30 min. Just to make things worse, earlier this morning I briefly visited the orphanage where I met baby M a while ago. I remember posting about both.

This is definitely one of the most depressing days ever this year. I hope both are okay, happy, well fed and that both live amazing lives. But, dear god… I feel like I have failed both and that both should be with me. Maybe that’s not true, but it’s the strongest thing I feel right now.

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ML