I Know It’s Over

Chambers of my soul I’ve never known

Open to the world I’ve always feared;

Your secret thoughts I will never hear —

I know it’s over, but the past is never gone

.

ML

.

Update: You know what is not over though? The way I guilt trip myself over things I didn’t even do. I won’t even read what you wrote. Just knowing that you did write something about me is bad enough. Plus, honestly, I already know that almost every line has at least one “f-ck” and that every paragraph brings a new lie.

In the end, I’m just glad you have no idea I have my blog. Or that I’m on my way to find inner peace. Not to mention that things have gotten a lot better compared to how they were before. I hope that not knowing anything new about me will make you forget about my existence. But if I could say anything to you, I’d just say one thing: I hope you find peace someday.

I’m not a saint; I can be cruel when I want to… But my concern and care for you were always honest. I come to realize that all I feel for you now is absolute indifference. When I remember you are still out there, I feel nothing. There’s only the shock of knowing you can’t get over things, and the generic (yet genuine) wish I mentioned in the previous paragraph. Life always surprises me — I’d never have thought I’d feel this way towards you, who once meant the world to me.

Anyways, I should be asleep, but here I am, wondering what happened in the end that made your hatred spiral out of control.

Maybe I will delete this post in the next days. Not sure if it really should be here.

It is late, I’m vomiting passing feelings that won’t last more than twenty minutes. I know I shouldn’t be up worrying about things I can’t control, but in the end, I like to overthink.

It starts with your rage and hate, then the way I see myself and… Hours later, I realize: it’s 5am and I still don’t know the true meaning of life.

If you like The Smiths, I bet you know the name of the song I’m listening to right now.

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19 thoughts on “I Know It’s Over

    1. Haha, it does. Those were really passing feelings since I feel so much better now. I like to vomit whatever my heart and head feel and say during tough times, especially because I’m so calm IRL that my feelings need to explode somewhere. And I think written explosions are the best kind of explosions.

      Ignore the things I just said, I’m not sure if I am making sense, lol.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I like his cover too (and I’m the kind of obsessed fan who dislikes most cover versions). I don’t think it beats the original, though. Jeff sings it in an incredibly sad way (because he definitely really connected to the lyrics), but Morrissey doesn’t, even though you can hear sadness in his voice. Even when he’s hopelessly sad, you can hear some hope somehow.
      I can’t really explain how both make me feel, but they’re different. I Know It’s Over is probably one of my favorite songs ever, so I take it really seriously, haha.
      You have good taste in music though; Jeff had a beautiful voice.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. yea, also “lover you should have come over”, incredibly meaningful song to me. It basically describes my feelings… I can see why you like the smiths’s version more. I guess jeff buckley’s version speaks to me more because my ex loved him too. there’s a special connection.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh yes, definitely. Those little details matter a lot. One of the people I’ve loved the most absolutely hated Morrissey, but it never stopped me from being obsessed, haha. I don’t know Jeff Buckley’s work THAT well to say I’m a fan, but I do like his music (I have tons of playlists for different occasions and moods and some have a few of his songs in them).

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I think my current favorite is a song recorded by Vinícius de Moraes, Toquinho and Maria Creuza. It’s decades old, but really pretty. I’m going to send a link in a moment so you can check it out. It’s not in English, but I may translate it some other day — it’s musical poetry. So gorgeous.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Done.

        I’m going to bed now because I work on Saturdays, but please let me know what you think. I’ll listen to the song you mentioned tomorrow after my shift. Sleep tight!

        Liked by 1 person

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