Chambers of my soul I’ve never known
Open to the world I’ve always feared;
Your secret thoughts I will never hear —
I know it’s over, but the past is never gone
Update: You know what is not over though? The way I guilt trip myself over things I didn’t even do. I won’t even read what you wrote. Just knowing that you did write something about me is bad enough. Plus, honestly, I already know that almost every line has at least one “f-ck” and that every paragraph brings a new lie.
In the end, I’m just glad you have no idea I have my blog. Or that I’m on my way to find inner peace. Not to mention that things have gotten a lot better compared to how they were before. I hope that not knowing anything new about me will make you forget about my existence. But if I could say anything to you, I’d just say one thing: I hope you find peace someday.
I’m not a saint; I can be cruel when I want to… But my concern and care for you were always honest. I come to realize that all I feel for you now is absolute indifference. When I remember you are still out there, I feel nothing. There’s only the shock of knowing you can’t get over things, and the generic (yet genuine) wish I mentioned in the previous paragraph. Life always surprises me — I’d never have thought I’d feel this way towards you, who once meant the world to me.
Anyways, I should be asleep, but here I am, wondering what happened in the end that made your hatred spiral out of control.
Maybe I will delete this post in the next days. Not sure if it really should be here.
It is late, I’m vomiting passing feelings that won’t last more than twenty minutes. I know I shouldn’t be up worrying about things I can’t control, but in the end, I like to overthink.
It starts with your rage and hate, then the way I see myself and… Hours later, I realize: it’s 5am and I still don’t know the true meaning of life.
If you like The Smiths, I bet you know the name of the song I’m listening to right now.