Dear baby M,
I wonder where you are; if someone adopted you. Maybe they changed your name. Maybe they kept the first name chosen for you. If you’re someone’s son now, I hope they love you forever.
Even if I could never adopt you, I’ll never forget you. I really, really wanted to adopt you — I think I loved you in the first moment I saw you. I still feel sad thinking that I couldn’t do anything to adopt you back then. I tried to make my mom adopt you, I know she’d have loved you.
I know people would think I was crazy for wanting to adopt a baby at 22 (I was) and tell me I’d have my “own” kids in a few years, but that didn’t matter to me. I didn’t proceed with my idea because I didn’t have money and I couldn’t afford to give you anything, especially without a place of my own. Why take you from a place where people treated you with so much love and care and where you had food and toys? Even if I could give you love too, I’d be selfish for doing that, especially alone like I am. I wouldn’t be able to give you nice things or stability. I wouldn’t be able to take care of a child even today.
I really wish things had been different so I’d be sure you were happy. You’re so precious.
I hope you live a beautiful life.