03:17 am

I wish I could shed tears. I can’t. My eyes won’t let them roll down my face. They’re trapped for some unknown reason. Caged. Caged tears.

This is me:

No sleep. No tears. Everything, everything… Denied.

Pills don’t help me, nothing does anymore. If only I could transform myself into…

.

There’s nothing much in this room besides my pathetic size — my smallness. The fact that I’m so ridiculously tiny… I’m so small compared to this world. So small that I’ve become invisible. I can’t defeat this world. I can’t fully love it. I can’t break free from it.

I wish I could stop feeling all these human sensations: here in this bed, I breathe… Air floods my lungs. I’m aware of my whole body. My fingertips touch my face. I feel my long nails hurt the dry, grayish skin under my eyes. Wish I could say I’m just trying to sound poetic.

My eyes are tired and humid, but I don’t cry. I can’t.

 

.

 

ML

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